My Return To Los Angeles
by Snow Angel 0
Summary: My Chemical Romance fiction Nicole had to leave her boyfriend Gerard Way to go to the Middle East to fight for a cause there, which was helping the poor. 2 years later, she came back to LA, to find things weren't as they used to be, Gerard is now famous
1. Chapter 1

*Nicole's POV*

Oh God! I've only been away for 2 years and look at the changes they've done! That building over there, I've never seen it before. Oh, and a new park! That's so awesome! They're finally taking NATURE into consideration here.

"You seem to be new to Los Angeles, miss," the taxi driver said, looking at me through his front mirror.

"And what makes you think so?" I questioned curiously.

"You're looking around as if you've never seen LA before," he explained.

"Yeah… I've been away for two whole years," I added, remembering the life I had here before I left.

"There we are miss, that'll be 5.60" the driver said pulling in front of a hotel, the one I was staying in.

"Thank you," I handed him his money and went down, as he helped with my luggage.

After checking in and being led to my room, I sat there, worried about every being able to find an apartment with an affordable price in a city like LA.

"Ohhh… I know!" I said out loud to then realize I was alone. I picked up the phone, got my handbook out of my bag, and dialed Jason, my best friend's number.

"Hello…" I heard a female's voice say.

"Hi, is this Jason's place?" I asked, not sure whether he still lived there or not.

"Yes," that voice sounded pissed off. "Just a sec."

I waited as I heard Jason's name being called aggressively. Then I heard him ask her who that was as he picked up the phone and said: "Jason speaking…"

"Jason!" I exclaimed waiting to see if he'd recognize me.

"Uhhh… hi…" he said. "What can I do for you?" He then asked as I heard that female's voice next to him ask about who I was.

"I need a favor," I said, willingly not wanting to tell him who I am.

"NICOLE?? NICOLE is that you??" I started laughing at his reaction, hearing the voice next to him getting mad, asking: "who's Nicole? Nicole who?"

"Shut up for a second, will you?" Jason then said to add: "Not you, Nicole,"

I laughed: "I know… wow… you haven't changed!" I said. I heard him laugh a huge, endless laugh. "You're awesome, but I have changed like hell, Nicole! Tell me though, where are you calling from? Still in the Middle East?"

"No! I'm in LA! I was actually calling you, knowing that you are very familiar with apartments and all here, and I…" I stopped as he interrupted me saying: " Say no more! "

"JAAASON! Come on we're going to be late!" that female's voice was heard again.

"You know what? I'm throwing a party tomorrow night, why don't you come over and we'll talk about everything!" He added.

"Oh… uh, yeah uh, sure!" I wasn't really sure, but Jason is one of my best friends here in LA, and I really missed him.

"OK! I'll see you tomorrow then! Oh and, I have a special guest coming over too!"

"Really? Who?" I asked obliviously.

"Oh come on, you know… your ex boyfriend mr. Gerard!" Jason laughed then added: "We have A LOT to tell you, I'll see you at my place 9 pm sharp! Don't be late!"

"JAAAASOOON" I heard that voice in the background again, right before he hung up.

Wow… Gerard… it's been 2 years! I can't believe it's been so long! Actually, I can't believe my heart is racing just by thinking about it! We were such a great couple! And me… I had to go "find myself" and help the poor in the Middle East. Not that I regret it though. All my girlfriends used to tell me they wished their boyfriend treated them the way Gerard treated me, and I let it all slip away, just like that… I hope he doesn't hate me now, for leaving all of a sudden. I shook that fairytale out of my head, and started unpacking, trying not to wonder too much about what Gerard has done during this time, where he is now, How he's like…


	2. Chapter 2

The whole day passed so quickly, so did the night. I woke up in the morning, the sweet smell of coffee that I haven't tasted in 2 full years! I spent my day catching up with LA. It was 8 pm already and I remembered that LA is different from where I've been; I had nothing to wear to that party, and that mattered here. I started with my childish panic attack, remembering my old self, how I was, and why I left in the first place.

"Ok, I still have one hour!" I said aloud, getting my purse and rushing out.

I walked in the 1st clothes shop I saw, and asked the salesperson to get me the best thing to wear on a casual party. She showed me a lot of things, but the one thing that caught my attention was that dress, it wasn't long, nor was it short. Sleeveless yet naturally slipping down my body. I liked how simple yet elegant it was. I'll take that. I said as she took it to the register to wrap it in a bag.

"No…" I added. "I'll be wearing it right now."

"With sports shoes?" She asked looking down at my shoes.

"Shit!" I said.

"We have just the perfect thing for that dress if you want"

"Really?" I asked as she went through some boxes to pull out the most beautiful high heeled shoe I've ever seen.

"Wow!" I exclaimed

"Yeah," She said, "you're the best dressed person I've worked on in ages!"

"Oh," I said wearing the heels. "they fit perfectly!"

"And your hairstyle needs nothing," she added.

"Yeah, I know, I know, isn't it too long though?"

"No, it's beautiful, that's how it's supposed to be!"

"Oh I don't have enough time anymore, I have to rush!"

"OK!" The salesperson sounded more excited than I was.

I went to the dressing room to wear the dress again and as I was in there, she asked me:

"Meeting a special person tonight, are we?"

"Kind of… it's an ex,"

"Oh, I love making my ex jealous, makes him regret ever dumping me!"

"Well, it's kind of different with me, I don't want to make him jealous," I added going out the dressing room.

"But he sure will be," she said looking at me. "You look fabulous!" she added as we both head to the register.

"That'll be fifteen hundred please," she declared.

"Fifteen what?" I rounded my eyes.

"One thousand, five hundred dollars, that's with the special discount I made for you, cause I liked you!"

"Oh yeah, you like me, that's for sure,"

She stood there smiling, looking at me and waiting for me to pay. I really wasn't going to spend that much on the dress, I barely have enough money to stay in the hotel and rent a place later, so I didn't know what to do. We looked at each other for a while, as I later said: "You guys happen to need any help around here?"

"You don't have that much money, do you?"

"No…. and I'm kind of already late, it's 9:20 pm and…."

"See you on Monday, 7 am sharp!"

"Yeah… cool…..thanks a lot…. Seriously!"

"You'll have to tell me what happened at that party though!"

I smiled, waved goodbye and head out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hello," I said to the woman that opened the door, handing her a bottle of whiskey that I bought on my way over. She gestured me to go in, she couldn't say it knowing I wasn't going to be able to hear her in the middle of all the noise coming from inside.

I walked in to find way too many people there... there were stereos everywhere, even outside, in the back yard, that was filled with people dancing with their alcoholic glasses in one hand and the cigarettes in the other. I looked around Jason's house to see that many things had changed. What was I expecting after 2 years. The only thing that I was wondering about was that huge amount of people Jason succeeded to bring to that party.

I looked around again to then get my attention caught by some guy passing by that looked at me from head to toe to then frown and say wow at the way I looked.

"Hello there," he said stepping closer.

"You smell like cheese," I commented waving the smell away as he laughed at it, adding: "good one, good one," leaving me alone and heading elsewhere.

"NICOLE!!" I then heard Jason's voice saying my name. I turned to see him walking towards me, arms wide open. I hugged him, one that seemed to have lasted a lifetime.

"GOSH I MISSED YOU GIRL!!" He exclaimed wrapping his hand around my waist and dragging me to the kitchen, where it was less noisy.

"Jason!!" I said childishly as we walked in there, "where did your beard go!!" I exclaimed laughing. Jason was growing this beard, and even though he's a very attractive guy, one that no matter how his hair looked like or his clothes were like, girls would still kill for him, but that beard just made him look like someone coming right out of jail. He was so stubborn when it came to it, and no matter how much we told him to shave it off, he wouldn't, saying it was who he is, it became a part of him, making us all laugh.

"You know, I would grow it back again, but my girlfriend would kill me!" He said taking a tequila shot to then shake its effect off with his head.

"My little Jason finally decided to settle down and stop playing around with girls?" I added messing his hair up.

"Oh I'm going to get you something to have fun with besides me!" He exclaimed taking the position he used to take right before he carries me.

"Oh no.... not this time!" I added stepping away, to then start running away from him, as he followed saying: "come on!! Wait! At least let me tell you something!" I was laughing like I've never laughed before, finding my way through people, to then get to the back yard.

"Wow..." I commented as he finally caught up with me.

"Yeah... " He nodded proudly.

"You did some amazing work on this yard,"

"I know... right? You should see the right corner over there..." he pointed to it, to then stand high look throug the crowd then yell: "Gerard!! Over here!!" He started gesturing for him to come over. I forgot for a second there that Gerard was going to be here, and that made me scared. I was scared of facing him again, after these years of leaving him and never talking to him since.

Jason wrapped his arm around my neck, messing my hair, just happy with how I'm back I guess... and how our group of friend seems to be back to the way it was when I was here, waiting for Gerard to find his way through people so he can tell him the 'news'.

"Dude..." Jason said standing in front of me, not letting him see me, right as he got to where we were.

"Does the sound look ok? I'm not sure if it's properly set from this corner," Gerard said, too busy to notice Jason was trying to tell him something.

"Dude... guess who I have right behind me!" Jason said again as I didn't even try to move away, I don't know why...

Gerard was the one to step closer, take a look at me standing there. As he looked at me with those sweet eyes of his, I didn't know whether I should smile because I finally saw him again, or frown because I've left him hanging 2 years ago.

"Nicole..." he said softly, a light smile drawn up on his face.

"Hi," I smiled waving. I was feeling extremely shy, I guess it was because I was the bad one for leaving him before, now he's so modest to just greet me back with that smile.

"The moment I've been long waiting for!" Jason exclaimed taking me under one arm, and Gerard under the other. "Now let's go some place we can talk!!" Jason added dragging us with him.

"How long have you been here?" Gerard asked, looking at me so gently, reminding me of the way he was to me when we were still together.

"I got here today,"

"and JASON was the first to know?" His blaming tone caught me by surprise.

"I didn't know whether it was right or not to contact you, you know?" I explained, hoping he'd understand I really did want to contact him.

"It's ALWAYS right for YOU to contact ME, got that?" He replied as we stopped walking behind Jason, where he stood in front of his room's door that was locked, trying to unlock it.

I nodded in response to Gerard, I realized he was breaking the ice between him and I, and it worked, he gave me a tight hug, rubbing my back, really making me feel like I came back to my home!

We walked in to Jason's room, where he locked the door behind us and turned the computer on.

"There's something you must see," Jason said grinning to the idea.

I stood there, waiting for the system on the computer to load, as Gerard got a phone call. I can't believe he still wears that same smell he used to, 2 years ago. I remember I was the one who got him that bottle of perfume when we were celebrating our 3rd year together. Oh the good old memories... at least he seems to have forgiven me for walking out on him like that, or so he wants me to think.

"Look, look at this... that's our boy Gerard Way!" Jason exclaimed showing me a video on youtube. It actually was Gerard, standing on a stage, with a really really huge audience. I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean, I know he is talented, and he used to knock people out with his amazing performances with his band in the small cafes, and pubs, but I could never guess he got to this level now! He was singing songs of his I never heard before, and everyone in the crowd looked so excited, I could see everyone was even singing along with him, as if they had memorized all his songs by heart, as if they were in love with his style and music, as if he was now some sort of a..... rock star.

I took the mouse from Jason's hand and scrolled down to see that there was around 10 million views for that video, this must be huge.

"Oh take that frown off Nicole, our boy is now a rock star!" Jason said with that huge smile never being wiped off his face.

I scrolled down a bit more to read the comments, they were endless, and everyone seemed to be cheering for them, they knew their names, their likes and dislikes, they were talking about interviews of them, they were sharing their concerts' experiences, and even bragging about how some of them 'spotted' Gerard or any other band member walking out of a building or a studio.

"And I thought I was the only one who knew that..." I commented as I read one of the comments talking about Gerard being afraid of needles.

"Knew what?" Jason asked, that grin still up on his face.

"What are you? Are you on something?" I asked him as his loud laugh filled up the room.

"I'm serious, is it some pill? Or a smoke that makes you stay that happy?" I added laughing, as his laugh almost became uncontrollable.

"Oh I know... it's the..." I was adding as he interrupted me saying: "You... sure.... haven't changed,"

"What? What did I do? You're the one who can't stop smiling!" I said not helping but beam at the funny way he was still laughing.

"What is it with you two, I leave you for a couple of seconds and you pick up a fight!" Gerard stated, after he finished talking on the phone.

"Ha..." I said sitting on the chair next to Jason. "Just like the old days," I added leaning backwards, feeling finally at ease, EXACTLY like the old days.

"I'm just happy my old best friend is back after 2 long years!" Jason noted, finally calming down. "Right, Gerard?" Jason asked as I turned to him to see what his reaction would be, to see none.

"Yeah..." Gerard answered plainly after 5 awkward seconds. I sighed, he probably hasn't really forgiven me the way I thought he has.

"There's only one problem guys…" I said, remembering why I was there in the first place, which was the fact that I was seeking an apartment.

"Just a sec," Gerard interrupted me to take another phone call, walking away from us.

"The apartment," Jason completed my sentence.

"Yeah..." I said rather sadly.

"I know the best place, don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything," Jason assured me.

"You're like the best friend ever!" I exclaimed, seeing him grin again to then add: "there's another problem though."

"What problem?"

"I don't have enough money for apartments like the ones you are thinking of," I explained.

"What are you talking about? Your parents are loaded! Just have them give you some until you find a job here," Jason disagreed.

"Let's put it this way," I took a second to think then add: "my parents won't give me a penny; they barely even speak to me after leaving in the middle of my college years and going to the Middle East,"

"Ooooh," Jason finally realized what my current situation is really like, "so the poor children you were helping… you've just become one of them!" he then added expressing amusement.

"Shut up!" I poked him, "I don't regret ever going there!" I exclaimed to be interrupted by Gerard who came in and sat on the other side of Jason.

"So, what's the problem?" Gerard asked, trying to catch up.

"Nothing, she's broke and wants a place to stay in," Jason chuckled as he got another poke from me.

"You know what?" I added getting upset, "it's useless talking to you about it, all you will do is make fun of how I don't have any money anymore," I said poking him again, as he kept laughing at the way he was making me mad.

"I'm sure we'll figure something out, it's not that big a deal," Gerard was trying to be of help, but his phone started ringing again and he just HAD to take it.

"Yeah, first, you'll have to get used to sleeping on beds that are hard… or, well, what we call these days, the streets…" Jason joked again.

"That is so mean Jason!!" I frowned punching him, "I hate you!" I was really mad, not because of what he said, but because I was already scared, I knew I wasn't really far from actually ending up on the streets.

Jason laughed again, as usual, then said: "don't you just love it when she's mad like that?" He looked at me smiling, as I gave him no reaction, just stared at him angrily. "You're so cute when you're like that you know that?" Jason said trying to tickle me to wipe my anger off, but there was no use.

I shook my head saying: "I'm seriously in deep trouble," burying my head between my hands.

"aww…" Jason moved his chair closer to mine, wrapped an arm around my back and added: "Are you crazy? We're not really going to let you out on the streets like that! At least I won't!" He started to finally get real with me. "You're like, my little sister! I could never let you go down like that!" he explained messing with my hair, as I sighed.

"You're staying with me and Samantha, until you get back on your feet," Jason then said. "Now she's a little crazy, but so are you, so I'm not worried about you two hitting it off eventually," he added, ending his sentence with a giggle.

"No… I don't want to be a burden on you," I lifted my head. I sighed, looking at the ground.

"Then be a burden on me," Gerard had, apparently, ended his phone conversation and is now in this one. That made me smile, but I still shook my head, "I can't do that to you,"

"Ha, I wouldn't do it if I were you," Jason said, "moving in with Gerard would be like suicide,"

I frowned, "why?" I asked, confused.

"Allison has been dying to move in with him and he hasn't been letting her, now his ex girlfriend shows up again and he invites her to move in?" Jason grinned widely before he said: "she'll definitely murder you."

"Oh…." I said as a reaction. Gerard has a girlfriend, apparently.

"That's completely different from my situation with Allison," Gerard noted, but didn't quite explain why.

"Nicole, sweetie, go pack your bags tonight, and Samantha and I will be waiting for you first thing in the morning tomorrow," Jason ignored Gerard's statement.

"I'm not moving in with anybody, guys, I put myself into this, and I'll be getting myself out of it," I said giving myself some confidence, to find Gerard staring at me, smiling.

"All I'm asking you is a cheap apartment to rent, I even already found a job," I added turning to Jason to see him nodding.

"Alright, I know people who know people who can get you a really good apartment with very low rent," Jason finally announced.

"Now you're talking!" I exclaimed happily. "You talk to your people mister popular, and I'll be calling you tomorrow after work, ok?"

Jason nodded: "I'll see what I can do."

"What job did you get yourself into so soon?" Gerard then asked.

"Oh uh, it's a clothes shop next to the hotel where I'm staying,"

"Ok… which clothes shop?" Gerard asked again.

"I think it's called… Guess?" I said.

"I know that place, what position did you apply for, there?" Gerard kept questioning.

"Oh… I don't know, I guess a salesperson? How far can I go without a college degree anyway," I stated.

"Did they give you any details about the whole working environment there?" Gerard went on with the questions.

"What's up with you G?" Jason interrupted, "our girl went all the way to the Middle East for 2 whole years on her own, I think she can manage herself in a Guess clothing store."

Gerard didn't reply to that, he just had this look on his face, one that I have never seen before, not even during those 3 years we've been together.

"Allison is probably going crazy searching for me downstairs now," Gerard then changed the whole subject, "I have to meet up with her,"

"Alright, let's go, we're going down too," Jason said as we all stood up. "Nicole needs to meet the girlfriends too," he then added.

"Uhh…" I said following them out the room, "I guess we'll have to put this off for another time, I need to get back to the hotel," I declared.

"What? Why?" Jason seemed to be against me leaving as Gerard gave no reaction.

"I'm pretty tired from the flight over, and I have a lot of things to deal with here still," I tried to explain, while my real reason for leaving was that I didn't want to meet that Allison girl, well at least not yet, not right now. I wasn't ready, it's bad enough having to know he has a girlfriend now, I wouldn't handle it pretty well if I also had to see that girlfriend.

"Alright then, look, I'll talk to some people tonight, and you call me in the morning, I would have definitely gotten you a good deal by then, ok?" Jason then said as we got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Alright, thanks a lot Jason!" I said, preparing myself to leave. Jason then came closer, gave me a huge suffocating hug, followed by a big, long kiss on the cheek to then say: "I missed you doll face!" He used to always call me that before we left, that made me smile again as I said: "I missed that."

"I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" Jason then said as I nodded watching him turn to leave.

I didn't see Gerard around, he didn't even wait to say goodbye to me, and he just left looking for his Allison. Well, who am I to speak about 'not staying'. I'm the one who abandoned him for strangers' sake 2 years ago.


	4. Chapter 4

. I sighed, walking towards the door, only to be stopped by the sound of someone saying my name.

"Is that you?" I heard Mikey, Gerard's brother, say. I recognized him immediately. "I can't believe you're finally back!" He exclaimed almost jumping all over me.

"Mikey! Oh my God! I missed you!" I hugged him.

"I thought I was never going to see you again!" he added smiling, looking at me. "You look even more beautiful than before!"

"Aw, thank you!"

"I heard you saved many little kids' lives while you were there," he added. "I'm proud of you!"

"I heard you became a rock star while I was there!" I said after him, making him laugh.

"By the way, where were you going heading to the door ?" He then asked.

"Oh, I'm leaving, I'm very tired from the flight over," I gave him the same excuse.

"Oh I understand, have you seen Gerard though? You can't leave without seeing Gerard," he added.

"I was just with him," I smiled to Mikey, reassuring him that I'm not leaving Gerard out. Only maybe HE was leaving me out.

"Yeah, because YOU my friend, have a special effect on my big brother, and he needs that at the moment," Mikey explained.

I frowned, incapable of getting what he really meant by that, why would Gerard need some special effect at the moment anyway. I shook the idea off of my head and excused myself from Mikey before I head out. As I got outside, I took a deep breath, feeling the nature, and the sudden calmness outside that party house. I then started walking my way out of Jason's fence and to the street, only to be stopped by Gerard's voice. I turned to find him walking out the door, coming my way.

"How are you planning on getting to the Plaza hotel?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"How about by calling for a cab?" I frowned.

"How about by letting me drive you there?" Gerard pulled out his car keys.

"No, you have Alissa waiting for you in there,"

"Allison,"

"What?"

"Her name is Allison,"

"Yeah. What did I say?"

"You said Alissa, it's Allison,"

"FINE! Just go back in to ALLISON" I stressed on her name, to then turn to leave.

"Why are you acting this way, Nicole?" He said following me.

"What way?" I kept walking until I got to the street.

"THAT way, you weren't expecting me to keep waiting for you 2 full years to come back, were you?"

"What??" I stood still. "NO! All I was saying is that you didn't need to drive me to the hotel, cab drivers aren't flesh eaters I suppose."

"Cut down on the sarcasm, I don't deserve that," Gerard said. I looked around to see that I was now standing on the side of the street, in the middle of the night, there was barely any car passing by. The only breathing thing there other than me, was Gerard. It was just him and I, and it was getting cold. He was still looking at me, and that made me think… no, he didn't deserve my sarcasm. I don't deserve him, not even having him as a friend. I looked down because I felt my eyes were about to get watery.

"Let me drive you there," he repeated his offer. Now I see why he followed me here, he knew I wasn't going to find a cab at that time of the night, he sure hasn't changed his habit of actually 'caring'.

"You're right, I'm sorry…" I said. "I'm not being fair here, but I still won't let you drive me to the hotel, I can do that by myself,"

"Nicole!!" Gerard had started to get pissed. "There ARE no cabs!"

"It's ok Gerard," I replied calmly, trying not to bring up the tension between us again. "I'll walk my way there, it's very close I can almost see it from where I'm standing now," I added smiling.

He looked at me staring for a while, probably thinking… to then add: "Fine, I'll walk there with you."

"If that's what you want," I added adjusting my purse on my shoulders, taking a deep breath and starting to walk, having him still by my side.

"I can't believe you're still so stubborn," he later commented.

"It's just who I am," I replied walking my way on the sidewalk, looking around at the peaceful, sleeping city, the few trees on the sides of the road, and just enjoying the breeze of air around us.

"You know…" I then added. "If you watch the leafs over there, you can almost feel them freely dancing in a circle, without the disturbance of polluted car air when it's daylight.

"Or maybe…… it's just the wind," Gerard added, not quite wanting to agree with me. I smiled.

"I guess I learnt to appreciate nature a little more when I was there," I replied, still taking pleasure in my walk.

A couple of minutes passed by and no words were exchanged. I was just wandering on that sidewalk, with Gerard next to me, I was actually enjoying that moment.

"Which song did Jason show you?" Gerard then opened up the subject.

"What song are you talking about?" I asked.

"I saw he showed you one of our video concerts on youtube earlier, which song was that?" He repeated his now clearer question.

"Welcome to the black parade," I replied. "I love it, by the way," I did love it. I loved everything single little detail about it. I loved seeing Gerard rock the hell out of everyone like he was, I always knew he would do that one day; I always used to tell him he would.

"Could you do me a favor and search up 'I Don't Love You'?" He added.

"Ok… I was going to search you up anyway, I'm so happy for you, you made it that far," I replied.

"I wrote this song when you left," Gerard ignored my statement to go on telling me about that song.

"Oh…" that feeling of guilt showed up again. A song that he wrote about me, and it has 'I Don't Love You' as a title, this surely proves his true feelings about me now.

"Although I wrote it a very long time ago, 2 years, but I don't know why it's creeping up on me now," he said.

"Maybe because I'm back?" I tried to analyze the situation for him. I was feeling so bad, all of a sudden so mad at myself for leaving the guy who loved me the most.

"Maybe…" he replied. "Or maybe it's something I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, you were already gone."

"Could you tell me what the song is about now?" I asked.

"It starts off as… well _when you go, don't ever think I'll make you try to stay,"_ he said.

"You didn't make me try to stay, you didn't say a word against my decision," I replied.

"I know, I didn't want to stand in the way of who you want to be, I respected that," he explained.

"But I go on to say… _and maybe when you get back, I'll be off to find another way_," he added.

"So you moved on?" I asked.

"I didn't mean it that way," he sighed, looking far in front of us. "I was encouraging myself that I will be fine, that I will move on, because see, I said 'MAYBE' at first, and I wasn't even sure you were coming back, I had to convince myself that I can move on," Gerard clarified.

"And then what?" I asked. I was getting anxious to know more.

"Then I say… _And after all this time that you still owe, you're still a good-for-nothing I don't know_,"

"What? I'm a good-for-nothing?" I was surprised.

"No… what I meant was, I don't know you as a good-for-nothing. Even though you left me, you left me for a good cause, a cause that you believed in, and did all you can to fight for," his words were just amazing; he was, at that moment, giving me a new perspective of things, a new way to look at what happened.

"_So take your gloves and get out, better get out while you can_," he sang this sentence out, his voice gave me the chills, so flawless, so unique. He then went on to explain that sentence: "get out while you can, because if you had stayed one more day here, I would have broken the promise I took to myself which was to respect your wishes, if you didn't get out while I was still capable of holding myself, I would have done anything I could to make you stay, right here, with me, never let you leave me,"

I was speechless; I had nothing to say, no thought in my head, except for the words Gerard was just saying to me.

"_When you go would you even turn to say I don't love you like I did yesterday,_" he sang out another sentence. "I knew you still loved me when you left," he smiled when he said that. "But I also knew that you weren't going to love me the same once you're there for a long time, you weren't going to love me in the future, like you did yesterday," he added, I wanted to give a comment on that, but I didn't know where to start.

"_Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading_," he said, I was just listening so carefully. "I was pleading, but pleading who?" He asked as I didn't even try to answer; only waited. "I don't know, God, maybe," he answered to add: "After you left, at times I needed you so… it felt like I was crying on the inside, you know?" he looked at me to then smile softly, as if to tell me that's over now, I didn't have to worry, it's not the same now.

"_So sick and tired of all the needless beating_," he added. What beating? I thought to myself.

"The needless beating of my heart," he answered my thoughts, "it still beat for you, but you weren't here, so that beating was needless, it was useless, and I got to a point where I was sick and tired of it, because it was going to waste…"

"_But baby when they knock you down and out, it's where you ought to stay,"_ he laughed after saying that sentence.

"What?" I asked, waiting for the explanation.

"I used sarcasm here, the way you use it," he made it clear.

"Oh, so you mean that's what I seemed to be doing, I went to where they knock me down, the Middle East, like where it's worse for me, and I stayed, as if I have to stay in places like these, I make myself do it," I explained this sentence myself.

"That's my girl…" he smiled as I giggled. "See, I'm not that bad at getting your lyrics!" I exclaimed smiling.

"No you're not, when I'M your teacher," he replied making me remember back when he used to write his songs with me, we would stay up all night writing songs that he was going to sing the next day at some small pub.. And whenever I go wrong, he'd give me his point of view, and I still remember those views. He had an opinion about everything in music, especially in song writing. What we should mention first, how we should open up the song, where the words should rhyme and where they don't really have to.

"I see you've just drowned into your own thoughts," he interrupted them.

"So tell me more, how did you continue with this song?" I asked.

"You listen to it when you get the chance, I can't," he answered.

"Why?"

"Because… we're there," he said as I realized I was finally standing in front of the hotel where I was staying.

"Oh…" I said in disappointment, I was enjoying our walk.

"Have an awesome night Nikki," he said smiling softly. He called me Nikki, gosh why won't he just kill me and get it over with. I used to be in love with how he used to call me Nikki, and now that we were recalling the old days together, it must have slipped off by accident. He's such a sweet guy.

"Good night Gee," I managed to say.

"Gee," he repeated after me. "It's like 2 years ago all over again," he said making me giggle and realize that I just called him what I used to call him before I left.

"How are you getting back with no car?" I asked remembering I was too stubborn to let him drive me over now he's stuck here without a car.

"Don't worry about me, I'll have Mikey, or Frank if he wasn't too drunk come pick me up," he said with this comforting smile of his. "Now go in and get some rest, it's getting too cold out here," he added.

I smiled, took one last look at him and said "bye Gee."

"Bye," he replied tenderly as I found my way in.


	5. Chapter 5

I got inside, slipped into my pajamas and got into bed, still thinking of that song, I liked it, no, I loved it! I loved every bit of it, and I was scared before I saw him today, thinking that he hates me for what I did, but it turned out that Gerard had a bigger heart than what I expected. He showed me that it was very hard for him when I left, well it was hard for me too, but he didn't grow feelings of hatred towards me because of what I did, he seemed to have understood what I wanted, he knew me, he understood me, and then he spoke to me about moving on, so ok, he moved on. Or did he? Because he said tried to convince himself that he will move on… does that mean it didn't work and he still hasn't moved on? But no, he has a girlfriend, no… he seemed to have moved on though, I don't know, HOW DID I NOT ASK HIM EARLIER!! I started to get mad at myself… how on earth am I going to find a way to ask him now, I can't open up subjects such as these anytime I wanted now, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHETHER HE MOVED ON OR NOT! I was very pissed at myself; I went on thinking that way for a while, until I fell deeply asleep…

I woke up the next day at the sound of room service coming to clean my room. I told them they could come in, and got out of bed, looked at the time to see it was 9:30 am. I went in, had a long, long bath, put on some jeans and a black top, just as I used to do, getting the hang of living here again.

I turned the TV on, today was a Sunday, and I had absolutely nothing to do, but call Jason. I thought I should wait till it was at least 12 pm; because he was partying all night, I didn't want to wake him up early. I eventually decided to go down to the hotel's lounge, and use a computer for internet service, I was really excited to look up Gerard's band, to read all about them, and watch as many of their movies and songs as possible. I stayed that way until I realized it was 1 pm, and I hadn't called Jason yet.

I went up to my room, and all the way there, the songs of My Chemical Romance were all just going on and on in my head, I was very happy Gerard was capable to pull himself and his band up to that level, he deserved that after all.

"Hello?" A female voice answered my call.

"Hi, is Jason there?" I asked.

"Yeah, is it Nicole?" that female somehow recognized me.

"uh… yeah…" I answered.

"Jason was expecting your call! Oh and, hey, sorry about me being rude yesterday," she apologized. She was rude to me? She just sounded so crazy to me on the phone that's all.

"It's just that I thought you were another girl calling Jason and, well, never mind, here you go Jason," the female said, as she was apparently handing the phone to Jason.

"My favorite girl of all time!!" Jason was ecstatic as usual. "After you, of course honey," he added to the girl next to him.

"Any news Jason?" I asked, hoping he'd say yes.

"ANY NEWS? I have GREAT news for YOU!" Jason exclaimed.

"Oh, that's great, tell me!" I added feeling a little bit relieved.

"Tell you what? Aren't you planning on seeing me today? Come oooon!!" Jason added. "Samantha is having this great outing, it's a picnic in that new park across the street of my place," he instructed.

"Oh… but," I tried to speak but he interrupted me adding, "Not Buts! We are going there NOW! You better meet us there and not be late."

"Ok…" I surrendered to the fact that there's no way I can go into an argument with the lord of arguments Jason.

"Alright?" he asked again.

"Yeah… ok," I replied.

"Great, I'll see you there doll face,"

"bye,"

I wasn't in the mood for socializing that much, but Jason seemed to be pushing me into it. All I want right now is to get some place to live in, know what my job is all about and maybe some details about the stupid salary, maybe then will I have a clear conscious and be up for his outings, I sighed.

I put on a little make up, put some money in my jeans' pocket and head out my room. As I got to the ground floor of the hotel, I head to the register, to pay for another day in.

"Those blue eyes, like the ocean, I can stare at them forever and never get tired," some guy said as he came up to me. I frowned, and looked away.

"Hi, I'm Steve Griffin, what's your name?" he then asked.

"There you go Miss Peters, enjoy your stay in for another day," the hotel worker then said handing me the bill.

"Well well, well, miss Peters," that guy Steve then added. "How about joining me for a cup of coffee in this beautiful afternoon?" he asked me out. I didn't want to sound mean, but I wanted to end it with him, and end it quick, so I said: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend,"

"You do???" I heard a sad voice say making me turn to see it was the hotel's worker. I nodded.

"All the hot ones are ALWAYS taken," Steve then said irritated.

"Ok, uh…." I said. "I'm out," I left them; finding my way out of the hotel, thinking what a weird moment I just went through in there.

When I got outside, and right to that spot where Gerard said good night to me yesterday, I remembered what an amazing walk I had with him, and I decided to take that walk again and not call for a cab.

I started walking realizing this time was different, people were everywhere in the middle of the day, cars filling the street, and the trees I was admiring yesterday, I could barely see them today in the middle of people's fuss and commotion.

"Nicole," I heard my name as a car pulled up by me, next to the sidewalk. I stood still and looked in to see Gerard. "Where are you heading?" he then asked looking up at me from inside the car.

"Umm…" I noticed his –apparently- girlfriend sitting next to him, looking at me too. "I'm meeting Jason," I replied.

"Oh good, hop in, we're going to his picnic too," Gerard then said. I really, really really… endlessly really didn't want to hop in with his girlfriend in the car. That was going to sound WAY too weird for me.

"Um, no it's ok…" I answered smiling.

"Nicole, come on, listen to me for once in your life," Gerard seemed like he wasn't going to give in to my decision easily.

"Wait, Miss Peters," I heard that guy from before say as I looked to see he was running after me. What the hell does HE want? I thought to myself. I noticed Gerard was looking back at that guy, frowning, he apparently heard him call for me too.

"You…. You…." He was trying to catch his breath when he got to me. I looked at him, and then looked at Gerard and his girlfriend. This is my chance, I thought to myself. If I didn't want Gerard to make me go in that car with her in it, I had to say something so I added: "STEVE!! My boy!!" Wrapping an arm around him. I have to admit though, even Steve was surprised with my reaction. "What took you so long!" I exclaimed, "come on let's go!" I added to then look at Gerard to see THE look on his face.

"I'll see you there Gee…" I paused to immediately add: "rard," it must have sounded pretty weird but I felt it would be strange to call him Gee with his girlfriend around, or maybe I was just giving too much thought into it.

"Are you sure?" Gerard asked, glaring at the shocked Steve standing next to me.

"Are you kidding me? I was waiting for him to go get his car so he can drive me there," I answered smiling, trying to sound as believable as possible.

"Ok…" Gerard looked at me, then at him, to then drive off, and as soon as he disappeared, I took my arm off of Steve and said: "What do you want?"

"What?" Steve had apparently gone into some sort of a coma.

"What do you want? Running after me like crazy," I asked.

"Oh uh, you forgot your shades on the reception table…who uh… who was... what just happened?" Steve asked, apparently still confused.

"Nothing," I said taking the shades and wearing them. "Just Shift Delete what just happened. Bye Steve," I started walking away, as the last thing I heard him say was: "Wait, uh… wow, you remembered my name!"

I went on walking until I got to a point where it became too hot to walk on the streets, so I pulled a cab over and had him drive me to that park.

As I got there, I walked in the park, spotted them from far and walked towards them. All I really wanted was just to get that apartment, no social contacts at that moment, no meeting girlfriends, no nothing, just finding my stupid apartment.

"What took you so long!" Jason exclaimed as I got there.

"Hey Nicole is here!" Mikey exclaimed as he saw me and I waved.

There was Jason and his girlfriend Samantha. Allison, Gerard's girlfriend and Gerard had gotten there too, and there was Mikey and some guy, I guess a friend of theirs too.

"I like your style!" Samantha, who was sitting on the ground, above the sheet they had put on, said. "The jeans, the black shirt, you have a great body," she added as Jason agreed.

"Oh, thank you," I didn't know what else to say, I didn't know why she was saying these things anyway.

"You could almost say you are a MCR style rocker," Samantha added as I remembered Jason telling me she's the crazy type, as in she'd say anything that comes to her mind.

"Yeah Sam," Jason then told her, "She has to be, she was Gerard's long term girlfriend," Jason explained to her.

"She was what?" Allison said looking at Gerard, "you told me she's just a friend," she added.

"Yeah…" Gerard said. "Right now, she's a friend, where did I go wrong with that?" he said smiling.

"Yeah…" I added, "Anyway, nice to meet you all," I said not knowing what else to say, to take their conversation subject away of me.

"And that's Josh," Mikey said pointing to the guy next to him, as he smiled.

"My older brother," Samantha added as Jason went on: "Yeah, that's how I met her, through Josh,"

"Oh, sweet," I commented giving Jason the look. He got the hint and added: "We're not talking about that subject before you sit right here," he pointed to an empty place next to him having Mikey on the other side, to then continue saying: "and taste that rocking sandwich I made!" he exclaimed proudly. Gosh I really wasn't in the mood for that.

"Come on Jason, I still have many things to do!" I said in a begging tone.

"You mean you're not going to taste my food?" Samantha asked surprised.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I just got to LA after 2 years and I really want a place to stay," I explained as she seemed to understand.

"I could use a roommate," Josh declared smiling.

"No, you couldn't," Gerard interrupted him.

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"She's not staying with you, end of story," Gerard apparently just took a decision for me.

"What's it to you Gerard?" Allison told him, she seemed to be suspicious about something.

"Yeah, we all know Josh is a heartbreaker, we can't let Nicole anywhere near him," Jason explained smiling as he stood up.

"Wow," Samantha said impressed, "those guys are surely very protective when it comes to you, Nicole," she added.

"Jason and Gerard have always been like that with her, you guys need to get used to it," Mikey added grinning widely. I smiled, even though I was pissed off, but I smiled as I, once again, remembered how close the 3 of us were before I left.

"Come on," Jason then added walking towards me, "let's go show you that apartment… that great deal that the lord of apartments, me, got you," he added bragging.

"Wait," Gerard interrupted. "We'll take my car,"

"Where are you going?" Allison asked him, surprised.

"Where does it look like I'm going?" His reply came out mean.

"But you haven't eaten anything yet; couldn't she just go with Jason?" Allison questioned him, as I stood there, waiting for Jason and Gerard to decide.

"I need to see that apartment myself," Gerard pulled his car keys out and walked towards us.

"But WHY?" Allison asked again, hopelessly trying to get him to stay.

"I'll be back soon Allison," Gerard replied not even looking at her this time. Wow. I remember back when I was with him, he never treated me like that, he sure isn't being nice to her.


	6. Chapter 6

On the way there, Jason couldn't stop talking about how awesome that apartment looks and how low he managed to make its rent be, while Gerard was only listening to him, saying nothing in return.

"Here, pull over here," Jason said finding the place.

"HERE?" Gerard then asked surprised.

"Yeah, HERE!" Jason replied. I was just sitting in the backseat, listening to them, and saying nothing.

"Jason, are you out of your mind? Look at that neighborhood!" Gerard went off.

"What?" Jason asked looking around.

"It's a fucking Ghetto here! You want her to live here?" Gerard kept going.

"She's not going to live on the streets dude, it's the apartment that matters!"

"No, as if she won't leave her apartment, and when she does, those guys will fucking eat her alive!" Gerard added angrily. Gerard had a point, it did look like a scary neighborhood, but where am I expecting to live for a cheap apartment price anyway.

"I guess I was more focused on the apartment itself," Jason added after he finally looked around to realize dangerous-looking people were all over the place.

"I'll take it," I said.

"WHAT?" Gerard almost raised his voice as he turned to look at me in the back.

"I'll take it," I repeated. "I'm the one who has to put up with them. Not you, Gerard, nor Jason,"

"Nicole I didn't pay attention to the neighborhood, if I knew it was in such a crappy place I wouldn't have even thought about it," Jason added.

"I like it, well at least I do from the outside, and I like the rent pay on it, so I'm taking it," I took my decision to then look at Gerard leaning his head on the wheels in front of him.

"Well…" Jason said looking out from the window, "maybe it's not that bad… I guess, and…" he paused as he saw a man running after a rat, trying to shoot it with his big shotgun and not actually succeeding. "I know no one can talk you out of something once you've set your mind on it so…"

"Yeah," I agreed, "Do you know the landlord?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll talk to him tonight, and the apartment should be ready for you to move in to it by tomorrow," Jason stated.

"Perfect, you guys can go back to your picnic now, thank you," I added leaning backwards, relieved. I finally found a place.

Gerard drove back to the park, and as we got there, he pulled over and said: "Jason, could you do me a favor and drive Allison home once you guys are done?"

"Why, where are you going?" Jason asked.

"I need to talk to Nicole," Gerard said. Talk to me? Talk to me about what? He better not think he could change my mind about that apartment!

"Alright, but maaan is Allison going to be pissed when she finds out," Jason said getting out of the car. "Bye doll face," Jason then waved from outside the window, "call me tomorrow ok?" he then said as I nodded waving back.


	7. Chapter 7

"Aren't you gonna sit in front?" Gerard then asked before he drove off with the car.

"Ok…" I said, still wondering what he wanted to talk to me about. I crawled from the backseat, in between the 2 front ones to get to the seat next to Gerard.

"What?" I asked as I saw him smiling, looking at me.

"Nothing," he kept smiling, "I was expecting you to open the door, go down, then get up in front, like most people would have done," he added.

"Oh. But that's just a waste of time if I could do it if I'm still inside the car," I replied as he laughed.

"I know, I must have forgotten it's NICOLE I'm dealing with, here," he said.

"Come on! Stop laughing at me! I used to do that all the time when we were together!" I exclaimed as he finally drove off.

"Yeah I know, that's part of the reason why I'm laughing," he added.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I finally asked, adjusting myself on the seat and putting on the seatbelt.

"You don't know?" He asked surprised. Please let it not be the apartment, not the apartment!

"It's the apartment," he added as I sighed, crossing my hands, getting upset.

"You know I'm not letting you move in to that neighborhood," he then added.

"What are you? My dad?" I asked with sarcasm. "My own dad doesn't care where I am or what I'm doing at the moment," I added.

"That's not the point now, and do I REALLY just have to be your DAD?" he replied losing patience.

"Look at Ashley, she lives in a similar neighborhood and you've never said anything to her!" I was still trying to compare my situation to a friend of ours.

"Ashley?" He asked surprised. "Why are you comparing this to Ashley?"

"Doesn't she live in a dump too?" I asked.

"Yeah, but Ashley isn't you," he added frowning, confused by where I was going with this.

"She's not?" I said sarcastically, "but she's just a friend, just like me…" I then added.

"Ohhh, now I get it," he added. "It's because of what I told Allison,"

"What did you tell Allison? Like all I have in mind is what you say to that Allison?" I replied, trying to get myself out of this making him think that I didn't say that because of Allison.

"Are you telling me that you aren't round the bend because I told Allison you're just a FRIEND?" He repeated his question; this sure seemed to be like a fight I was picking up.

"I DON'T GIVE A CRAP!" I exclaimed raising my voice.

"What do you want me to call you Nicole? Were you really expecting to disappear for 2 years and then come back and still be considered my girlfriend? I mean who does that?" He went on talking, making me angrier. I didn't know why I was getting that mad though, probably because I had a gut feeling that what he was saying were a little bit true, maybe I did have that hope in me, but I didn't want to admit it, because I knew it was impossible.

"As I said, Gerard, I don't fucking care what you SAY! That's not what I was thinking, and that wasn't what I meant when I said I'm just a friend. After all, I AM JUST a friend!" I started to get tensed.

"You are JUST like you were before!" Gerard then added angrily as he stopped the car, since we were now right in front of the hotel. "You deny everything then you say you don't care!!" he exclaimed reminding me of how I used to be when we used to have our little fights, just like I am now.

"Yeah? Well you know what?" I said with a high tone, opening the door of the car but not yet getting down to then add: "The only difference between before and now is, our fight before used to end 5 minutes later with us making out!" I went down the car, to then turn to look at him, to see him now speechless as I then added furiously: "and now, our fight will end by ME slamming the door of your car!" I exclaimed doing exactly as I told him I was going to do. He rolled down the window on my side as I was still standing there frowning, and said, also quite raising his voice: "all I was fucking doing is protecting you from moving into the worst neighborhood in all freaking LA!"

"Well you know what, Gerard? Just like you said, you can't call me your girlfriend, because apparently I'm not it anymore. Therefore, you can't tell me what to do! So you don't really have to protect me anymore, you can't keep acting like I'm your girlfriend and not call me one!" I paused to take a breath then added: "which means you can't keep walking me home, and sharing your lyrics with me and fucking protecting me and caring the way you care and NOT call me a freaking girlfriend Gerard!" I started saying anything that came to my mind; I started throwing my words out uncontrollably: "because we sure know no one treats a 'just-a-friend' like that! You wouldn't be doing that with Ashley, would you? NO! Because her, she's just a friend. So you either call me a 'just-a-friend' and treat me like one or I don't know what you fucking do!!" I finally stopped, feeling a tear roll down my cheek.

Gerard was now silent, he must have gotten my point now. He looked at me and went down his car.

"You're crying," he said walking towards me. As more tears started to frenziedly roll down.

"Yeah well, I don't yell at you every day, so yeah I AM crying," I wiped away my tear, stepping away from him. He stood there facing me, looking me right in my watery eyes, he was now calm, and we both understood what was going on with us now… or so we thought.

He stepped closer to wipe away my tears, I know from before that he can't stand seeing me cry, but I still stepped away this time, catching his hand before it touched my face.

"No, Gerard, you don't wipe away my tears anymore," I said, still holding his hand, pulling it down softly as he didn't even try to fight back. "We didn't give each other a proper closure before I left," I concluded. "That's why we're lost now," I then added as he just looked at me, his hand still surprisingly in mine; I couldn't stand letting it go, and he didn't even try to.

I looked him in the eyes, I was about to give it closure, us, our past, everything we had, just end it right here, right now, so it was only natural for tears to start rolling down my cheeks again. He was still looking at me, his eyes following each tear till it gets to my chin, this time holding himself from wiping it away.

"I'm not your girlfriend," I started. "Allison is your girlfriend, and she sounds like a very nice person," I added as he closed his eyes, let go of my hand to pull his long dark hair backwards, expressing stress.

"She probably deserves you way more than I do," I went on saying, knowing that by saying this, we will both no longer be confused, and could finally feel some peace inside… Although I was feeling this lump form in my throat while saying this to him, I don't know why, but I had to ignore it and go on saying: "I'm more than happy to be just a friend to you, you don't have to worry about me anymore… we're not attached to each other like we used to be, it's different now… you have your life, and I… I have mine."

I looked at him, now leaning on his car's trunk, looking down. I took a deep breath and waited to see what his reaction to all what I've said would be.

"You really think that's what we need, Nicole?" He asked. "A closure?"

"Well… isn't that what you think?" I asked him as I now got confused.

"I don't know, but if that's what you want, then that's what you get," he added.

"Wait, I didn't mean it that way, don't get mad at me now," I said in worry.

"I'm not mad at you honey… GOD, I meant Nicole," he corrected himself. "I'll believe in what you said, you say closure to our old relationship will fix things between us, you asked me not to care for you now the way I used to before, because I'm not your boyfriend anymore, you want me to act like JUST a friend, and I will," he said. Actually, now after he said that, I'm not quite sure I WANT him to do that more than I want him to do that for his OWN SAKE.

"Let's do it your way, let's see where this will get us," he added. "Friends?" he then asked, pulling his hand for me to shake. Shaking hands now? No more hugs, I guess I have to get used to that…

"Ok… friends," I shook his hand. I looked at him to see him looking back at me, this time no smile on his face, just a firm look.

"I guess I'll see you when I see you…" he then added walking towards his car. "Have fun in your new apartment," he went in the car. "Bye Nikki… God Damn it! I mean Nicole!" he smiled then added: "That's something to practice at home," I smiled back; I knew he was joking just for the heck of it and I smiled in spite of the sudden rush of sad feelings striking me. "Bye," I waved him goodbye as he drove off.


End file.
